How to start a meaningful conversation on a dating app

There is nothing wrong with “hello,” but on its own it leaves the other person to invent the conversation. Pick one detail from the profile and use it lightly: “You said you are learning to cook—what has gone surprisingly well so far?” gives them more to work with than “Tell me about yourself.”

Skip comments about their body, instant pet names and the introduction you have sent to twenty people. The aim of the first message is simple: make replying feel comfortable.

Questions show interest until there are five of them in a row. Ask one, respond to the answer and add something of your own. If they mention a trip to Shiraz, you might ask what stayed with them and then share the place you still think about. That feels like a conversation; a list of questions feels like paperwork.

• Move from interests to values gradually.
• Ask a follow-up instead of changing the subject every minute.
• Leave room for someone whose messages are naturally shorter.

If marriage is your goal, you do not have to hide it for months. Start with what a good partnership looks like to each of you, then let family, faith, children, work and location enter the conversation naturally. People tend to answer more honestly when they understand why you are asking.

Pay attention to reciprocity. If you are carrying every exchange, repeatedly meeting disrespect or having your boundaries tested, another perfectly worded message is unlikely to create compatibility. A courteous ending is kinder than keeping an unwanted conversation alive.